


Cracked Out!

by Iflyinmydreams (orphan_account)



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Author Commentary, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, M/M, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22930195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Iflyinmydreams
Summary: This is a short crack piece I decided to post for Light's birthday. Happy birthday you beautiful God of the new world, you!
Relationships: L/Yagami Light
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	Cracked Out!

L and Light were supposed to be in the middle of a fight. L had raised his hand, ready to drag the open Palm hard across Light's face when he sighed. Light rolled his eyes. Both men seemed to relax and Light rubbed his eyes as L broke the fourth wall. 

  
Turning toward me, he asks, frustrated, “Are you- are you serious right now?”

  
Flustered, I throw my hands up, “Yes I'm fuckin' serious.”

  
“You're really gonna have me slap him? You know I'm a kicker.”

  
“Oh my God you are so frustrating. I can do whatever I want. I'm the writer.”

  
Mockingly, “I’m tHe WrItEr.”

  
“You know what?” I say as I sip my wine, spilling it on my shirt in my frustration, “I can have you get hit by a train. Let's do that instead.”

  
Continuing in his mockery, L wiggles his fingers in the air, “Ooooooo so scary. Why don't you just give us cancer again?”

  
Light stiffened, speaking up for the first time, “Oh, hey man, I really don't want cancer again. That actually sucked pretty bad.”

  
Dropping his hands to his sides, L looked at Light apologetically, “Sorry, I forgot she gave you way worse cancer than she gave me.”

  
Me, a little drunk, “Oh my God you two are so cute together! This is why I write fanfiction!”

  
Visibly agitated, L turns back to me, “You know, maybe you'd write better if you weren't such a lush.”

  
“EXCUSE ME?!” I'm embarrassed and my default position becomes to deny, “I am not a lush! I only drink when I write.”

  
Light frowns at me, and I know that he knows that I'm full of shit. “You write every day.”

  
I begin to pound my wine. No, it doesn't help my case but it definitely serves its purpose. “I can't even with you two today.”

  
“Oh, Light,” L turns to his friend, “Did you know she's started writing Good Omens fics now?”

  
“What?” Looking from L to me, “Seriously? You're just going to cheat on us like that? Especially when you have so many WIPS? I mean, I'm in a fucking cocoon in one of your stories. Do you know how itchy that is?”

  
“Oh and we're both dead in another one. Shocker,” L reminded, “But really you're just gonna kill us off and then not update? Like, do you even care?”

  
With an exacerbated huff, I throw my hands in the air, “Yes I care! And you died with purpose and it was beautiful, okay?!”

  
“Ooohhh so it's fine if we’re shot to death as long as it's pretty.” L had his hands on his hips at this point.

  
“I really don't like your condescending tone,” I warn.

  
L was about to retort when Light grabbed his arm and shook his head, “Dude, if you keep going she's going to put you in another rape scene. Do you really want that?”

  
“Oh, thanks for the reminder, Light!” L wags a finger at me, “You should really consider talking to your therapist about your rape obsession.”

  
“It's not an obsession!”

  
“And why do I always get raped? Why can't you rape him?”

  
“Woah, dude! Not cool!” Light shouts, waving his hands at L.

  
“I don't know, L! And how do you know I see a therapist?” I slur, eyes narrowed.

  
“I'M A FUCKING DETECTIVE!”

  
“I mean, yes that's true, but you're actually pretty bad at it.” I lean back in my chair and cross my arms, smug.

  
“What the fuck?”

  
Light pipes up, “She's not wrong, man. You uh, aren't that great.”

  
“But I'm the best in the world!”

  
Drunkenly, I sway a bit and lean forward, crinkling my nose, “ _Are you though_?”

  
“I can't fucking believe this shit. I'm done. I'll take that train now.”

  
Sitting up, I reach for more wine but it's gone, “Oh, man.” Giving my two characters my best stank eye, “I'm getting more. Behave while I'm gone.”

  
They both just roll their eyes. When they hear a loud clatter and me shout that I'm fine from the other room, they look at each other. “Did… did she just fall down the stairs?” L asks.

  
“Probably,” Light says with a huff that screams he's so over this. Casting his sexy bedroom eyes to L, “Wanna fuck while she's gone? She'll be pissed she missed it.”

  
“Why yes, yes I do.”


End file.
